I hate these words: “when you go back to work…”
I cringe every time I hear them, which is far too often in my opinion. Before the prospect of a baby ever showed up, M and I agreed I would take some time off after the kid(s) was born. I thought we’d talked about that time off being until they were in school. Maybe not, though. I can’t remember for sure. Either way, that was my assumption.
The first part of that is working out. I’m a stay-at-home mom, like I’d always dreamed of doing, and I love it. I absolutely dread the thought of going back to work, especially while PJ is still this young. I don’t want to think about missing even one moment of him growing up, even on his bad days.
But M is apparently uncomfortable with the idea of us being a single-income family. Technically, I think he’s uncomfortable with the thought of being the only one supporting us. We’re doing great on that one income. It may be due in part to our combined thriftiness, but M is a good provider. I have faith in him and God to provide enough for our family. I feel strongly that now is not the right time to go back to work.
Have I mentioned that I hated my teaching job when I quit a year and a half ago? I suspect the stress from the job contributed to the awful pregnancy I had, and I was already planning to quit my job at the end of the school year long before I got pregnant. I was burned out on teaching and I highly doubt I could go back to it any time soon after leaving the way I did.
I’ve considered tutoring. I’ve done it before, and in a pinch I could do it again. The problem is I have no connections to get my name out there to find tutees. Add to the fact that I am not a people person. I know…I taught for five years. How could I not be a people person? I never have been, and I was trying to be somebody I’m not when I taught. I think that’s part of the reason I was never really content with it. It doesn’t help that staying at home with PJ has begun to turn me into a hermit and I now dread any interactions with people. It’s bad enough that I shy away from even going grocery shopping if I don’t need to.
So I guess that means if my husband gets his way, I’m getting a job before long, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me. But I would only consider a job that wouldn’t force me to do much interaction with people at all. Anybody know of any jobs like that out there for the taking? And for someone with nothing more than a worthless teaching degree?
M did at least compromise some with me tonight. We agreed that unless some tragedy hits us, I won’t look for a job until PJ is in preschool. Then I’ll get a part-time job during the time he’s otherwise occupied. I’m happy with the compromise, but primarily because that means I don’t have to worry about it for several more years. And I can probably extend that time by having another kid or two in the near future.
Unfortunately, I sincerely doubt that compromise will truly end my worries about it. I know my husband well enough to know that he will continue to throw those detested words my way from time to time just to make sure I haven’t forgotten my end of the deal: “when you go back to work…”