Under the Wire

I had all day long to blog, with plenty of free time to write something, and here I am with ten minutes left in the day, finally sitting down to blog. Vacations throw me so far off my normal routine that even things I love, like blogging, get neglected.

I’ve been debating what to write about tonight. I have something absolutely perfect for Confession Thursday, but I don’t know that it can wait that long. Maybe I’ll just write about it anyway.

We’ve only been trying to conceive–sort of–for a little over a month, and already I’m starting to feel that incredible jealousy of those who are pregnant. I just found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with her third child, apparently a surprise pregnancy. I was reluctant to comment on her blog when she wrote about it because I was afraid the envy of her would be obvious.

I don’t want to dislike women who are pregnant. I’ve been very blessed already, getting pregnant the first time so easily. Why should I begrudge others getting pregnant at all, even if the kid was unexpected or the conception was easy? Why do I always have to be so special all the time? It’s not good enough that I had one easy conception; I want two, or three. And two years-ish isn’t close enough together; I wanted them a year or less. And I had one easy birth; now I want another. And PJ wasn’t preemie enough for me; if I have to have a preemie, it had better be the life-threatening kind.

I’m hoping I was taking that mindset a little too far there. But I’m afraid I’m not. I’ve always been an all-or-nothing kind of girl. It’s not good enough unless I have the best, or the worst, or any other extreme. Then I feel like I’ve failed if I do something great, but not the best. That’s where this inappropriate envy comes from.

I suppose it’s a good thing that I recognize this trait in myself. I can contain it and laugh it away instead of letting it eat me up. I did finally leave a comment on my friend’s blog congratulating her. It only took me about a week. Eventually my turn will come as well, even if there’s nothing extraordinary about it. At least I can be comforted by the fact that my son truly is the cutest kid ever.

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3 Responses to Under the Wire

  1. Heather Noel says:

    You are so writing what I’ve been thinking…I have 3 friends who are pregnant, and we’ve been trying for a month too. Sighs…maybe we’ll both be by Christmas. Keeping my fingers crossed.

  2. Debbie says:

    I know that it doesn’t feel like it, but a month really isn’t that long when you take into consideration how much of that month is spent ovulating. A small consolation, I know. I think it took me 5 months with my first child, and that felt like an eternity.

  3. Erin says:

    My husband and I had made plans to start trying in December of this year for another one, and I told everyone. Now our plans have fallen apart and we’re having to wait longer, and now all of my friends and some of my family have talked to their husbands and now they’re planning on trying soon, and it really ticks me off. That now they’re going to be trying and I can’t, and I’d so gotten my hopes up for trying in December. But they’re all in better situations than we are right now, able to try, where we should really wait. Still ticks me off though. Anytime I hear about somebody getting pregnant I can’t help but NOT being happy for them.

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