Confession Thursday–Thinking Ahead to Christmas

Even though I won’t spend Christmas day with my family, we will be visiting my parents for some time before Christmas. Toward the end of our visit, my brother and his wife will be flying in, as they get to spend Christmas with my parents. That means I will have lots of quality time with my brother and SIL. I realized this morning that’s not necessarily a good thing. As much as I love my brother, I’m not that comfortable around his wife.

They had dated previously in the past, and she broke his heart. When it looked like they might be interested in each other again, we were all wary because of her history. My brother went through with it, though, and last September, a week before PJ was born, he proposed to her. They were married in March.

The whole relationship went lightning-fast, and that made the whole family a little uncomfortable about it. I wanted to criticize badly, but M and I were engaged after six weeks of dating (and we hadn’t even met before) and were married three months after that. Even though things have worked great for us, I’m worried we set a bad example.

At first we really liked J, my SIL. My first impression was good; she was really friendly, bright, smart, attractive–I could see why my brother liked her. As time has passed, though, I’ve begun to see traits in her that she had kept hidden at first. While I can still see all those original qualities in her personality, I can also see an overwhelming selfishness, hypocrisy, and snobbishness. She is an ordained minister, but in our denomination she will likely never find a job as a minister. She moved my brother across the country in the hopes of possibly finding a job closer to her home. At my brother’s graduation, she sat and played on her cell phone through the whole ceremony, not even looking up or clapping when my brother’s name was called out. She also texted a friend through the prayer. Remember, she’s a minister, apparently closer to God than the rest of us. Maybe that means she doesn’t have to show the same respect the rest of us do.

M claims that the first time he met J, something about her struck him as off. That impression has only strengthened through the last year. Now I’m starting to see what he didn’t like at first. I’m terrified my brother has made a huge mistake. He made a promise to protect me when we danced at my sister’s wedding, and now I regret not making him the same promise.

I’m still trying to like her, to give her the benefit of the doubt. But I’m not looking forward to spending so much one-on-one time with her. I don’t even trust her with PJ (another frustrating story there, but I’ll pass on telling that one today). I hate admitting it, but I don’t think I like her. I just hope she’s not as bad as I think she is sometimes and that my brother is happy, despite the impression I have of her.

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One Response to Confession Thursday–Thinking Ahead to Christmas

  1. Debbie says:

    Man, that’s a tough one. When to tell a loved one (whether it be a family member or friend) what you REALLY think about their choices. They may appreciate your candour or they may get angry and pull away.

    Usually, I think – how would I respond if someone told me the same thing?

    Remember that your brother is an adult. He MUST make his own choices in life. You can’t protect him from his life lessons. His marriage may turn out wonderful OR he may have something big to learn here that will help him throughout the rest of his life. It wouldn’t be right to shelter him from that.

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