I can’t decide what mood to be in today. I’m finding myself being melancholy, like I was much of last week, and I’m pretty sure it’s because M left this morning on his business trip. I’m already lonely and I still have two and a half more days until I see him again.
The responsibility of running a household and raising a child completely on my own is also overwhelming me, even if I only have to take care of things for a mere three days. I’m glad M is so faithful; I’m not cut out to be a single mom.
Buried deep within me, though, is excitement that I have a few days to myself. I’m reminded of my single days, when I could eat what I wanted when I wanted, when I could keep my place as clean or as messy as I wanted it, when my schedule was my own to dictate. Obviously PJ has altered some of these things, like my schedule, but at least I’m not also bending my own desires for M.
But I’m so used to making decisions based on what M wants that I’m not sure I remember how to make decisions any other way. This should be an interesting experiment to find myself again–without becoming selfish in the meantime.
Update on another post: I’m not doing so hot on that diet I mentioned a while back. It’s not a problem with self-control, though, other than the worst of the PMS days. I’m just not losing weight, even though I’m eating less and eating better. Despite my couple of cheats, I should have dropped a couple of pounds at least. Instead, each time I find myself a pound lighter, it reappears the next day. I am currently half a pound lighter than I was when I started. I don’t think I can blame water retention for the other four or five pounds I should have lost by now.
(By the way, does anybody other than me get how the title relates to this post?)