December 12, 2006
Last night I mentioned on my public blog that M was on a business trip. I knew his parents and mine would like to know that he made it okay and how I was handling it, and this seemed to be the best way. Innocent enough, right?
Nope. I got an e-mail today from my FIL concerned about me…supposedly. He says he’s worried about the random people reading my blog who might know I was home alone. “You never know,” he said.
First, I do know that nobody can find me from there. It would take an expert hacker for anybody to trace us back from my blog, and I doubt they could do that in the three days M is gone. Better yet, why would they want to? It seems like a criminal who cared that much about finding a housewife at home all alone would have more luck randomly knocking on doors than searching for somebody specific through their blog.
It sounds sweet that my FIL is so concerned about me. I know it’s a ruse, though. It’s his way to come across as the sweet father figure. If I look up to and respect him as a true father, then I will search for ways to get PJ around him. That is the final goal after all, having control over us and PJ, especially more than my parents have.
It also gave him a chance to gently criticize me for something I wrote on my blog, which is something both he and his wife just wait to be able to do. Sometimes I think blogging isn’t even worth it. It’s tough finding what to say and how to say it that won’t offend them or give them a chance to prove I’m doing something wrong. I wouldn’t put it past them to find something I wrote, twist it to make me sound like the worst mother ever, and fight to get custody of PJ. I hope that’s taking it too far, but sometimes I just don’t know. They’ve already proven they only use us as a way to get PJ. And they wonder why we hang out with my parents much more often…
December 12, 2006
Wow, I didn’t think that reference from yesterday was quite that obscure. It’s from Runaway Bride. Julia Roberts’ character (sorry I don’t remember her name) lost her own identity with each new guy she dated, and the clue that revealed that problem was that she claimed her favorite way to eat eggs coincided with the guy’s favorite way to eat eggs. She rediscovers her own identity by trying eggs every conceivable way until she figures out what she really likes.
For some reason, this egg idea has stuck with me ever since I saw the movie the first time. I’ve always been concerned that I would sacrifice my own identity, my own desires, to prove to a guy that I was a perfect match for him. To some extent, I have done that. One guy was kind of a cowboy. I bought my first pair of boots and Wranglers while we were dating. I don’t wear either now. Another made a point to put religion first, much more so than the other Christians I’d dated, and I suddenly became super-religious as well. I’ll admit that wasn’t necessarily a bad change, but it happened for all the wrong reasons.
Despite making myself interested in the current boyfriend (or now husband)’s interests, I feel like I never have completely lost my own identity. I fully believe in a balance there. There is nothing wrong with exploring your mate’s interests. If you enjoy the same things, you’ll find more opportunities to bond and have better quality time together. It also shows your mate how much you care when you’re willing to try doing the things s/he finds interesting. Maybe they’ll just do the same back. As long as you don’t give up everything you consider a primary part of you, it can be a good thing.
I’ve found a good balance with M. It doesn’t hurt that we share so many interests to begin with. We have both made some sacrifices and compromises in our relationship so that sharing a life is easier. M loves technology and computer stuff. While I can’t get into it the way he is, I’ve made an effort to learn something about computers so that I at least understand what he’s talking about. We also now play video games together, a strangely bonding experience. M always tries to read my blog on a regular basis, even though I don’t think he finds it very interesting, just because he knows I pour my heart and soul into it. He has also made a point to find some books that he will read because reading is something else I’m passionate about.
I can’t believe that one random comment I made yesterday managed to turn into a full post. Sorry for the ramble, but this is one topic that I always get into, thanks to my own fears that I wouldn’t find that perfect balance. Fortunately I met the perfect man instead, and he has helped me find that balance.