A Day of Frustration

Please forgive this post that I know already will be a long, rambling rant. I hate being this negative, but I’m just in one of those moods. I’m having trouble finding the silver lining today.

To start with, I’m having a particularly yucky day. I know part of it is due to being up so late last night–another rant–and the subsequent lack of sleep. Knowing the reason for the ickiness doesn’t make it go away, though. The worst seems to be over for the moment, as I was finally able to eat something a few minutes ago. Yes, the first food in my mouth all day was after 2:00. And I had to fight to keep those few bites down. Goodness, I’m ready for the second trimester.

Okay, about last night…it actually started yesterday morning. I woke up with a headache. No “safe” medicines get rid of my headaches, so I decided to just wait it out. By late afternoon, the mild headache was throbbing, and I knew I had to try something. I turned to caffeine as a non-medical remedy. It usually works better than most medicine anyway. The problem is that I haven’t had caffeine at all in months, long before getting pregnant. I had half a cup of weak tea and then gave up. Half a cup! It dulled the headache a little, and I hoped that by having so little it wouldn’t affect my sleep. Obviously that didn’t happen. I grew increasingly frustrated as each hour passed and I was still awake. It was after two this morning before I felt the least bit drowsy. I don’t do well on that little sleep normally, much less when I’m pregnant. I want a nap, but I know if I get one, I’ll have just as much trouble sleeping again tonight.

I’m also frustrated because PJ’s first trouble-free night in his toddler bed was a fluke. We fought him for three hours last night to keep him in bed, with me pushing the “no lifting” limits repeatedly, before we just gave up. We waited until there was only quiet in his room and then crept in to move him to bed while he still slept. He took his morning nap on the floor, and I suspect his afternoon nap is going the same way. I have no idea how to keep him in bed. I don’t have the patience–or the physical strength–to deal with this right now.

And did I mention that I puked again yesterday? As bad as the nausea has been the last few weeks, I’ve managed to keep from actually vomiting. But yesterday it hit while I was in the shower, and I couldn’t choke it back. One whiff of the clean shower smell (before even pulling out shampoo or soap) and I was done for. Yeah, I’m not showering today. M can just put up with a stinky me. That was also the first puke this pregnancy with actual food in my stomach. Those are so, so, so, so much worse.

I hope we baby-proofed PJ’s room well enough. I hear him thumping in his room right now. I’m scared to find out what he might be getting into. He is so sleep-deprived right now after staying up three hours late last night, not napping very long this morning, and refusing to sleep now. I wonder if it would be bad to give him some Tylenol to encourage him to sleep better. I might if I didn’t think he would fight that drowsiness as much as he must feel right now.

And the worst frustration is that my other blog–all about PJ–hasn’t seen a word of this toddler bed drama. I vowed not to write about that stuff here since that’s what the other blog is devoted to. But my MIL doesn’t know about the bleeding or the pelvic rest or the toddler bed, so I can’t write about it on the blog she reads. It saddens me that my son has hit such a huge milestone and only my parents and you guys know about it. I hate that my MIL is starting to miss important events in his life because of her own demanding, manipulative ways. The worst part is that when she finds out something major happened that she didn’t hear about right away, she’ll blame us and try to make us feel guilty about it. This situation is really testing my patience.

Okay, I just put PJ back in his bed, and the funniest thing happened. I was scolding him for crawling out of bed again, complete with finger-wagging. I was really getting into it when from his position in bed (for the moment) he lifted his finger and wagged it back at me, smiling the whole time. I think my uncontrolled laughter may have undermined the lecture, since I already hear more thumps from his room. This may be a very long afternoon.

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4 Responses to A Day of Frustration

  1. Lizzy says:

    I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds, but with all of this going on around and to you, I would imagine that the stress of it all is only aggravating or exacerbating what’s already tough for you.
    And I know that you feel very strongly about your MIL’s “offer.”
    And I don’t really know your financial situation, but is it possible that you could find some in-home help for a few weeks? Maybe a local student who can help you with PJ and with some stuff around the house?
    I was SICK during my pregnancy with Henry, but not nearly as bad as you, for sure. I can’t imagine the strain. And, truthfully, I’m concerned about your health, your pregnancy, your marriage, and PJ… feeling so sick and exhausted all the time is hard on you, and everyone.
    Is this something you’ve thought of? Is it a viable option? And even if it’s not the first choice for you, is there a school nearby that maybe PJ could go to a few mornings a week to help you out?
    Please, tell me to butt out and mind my own beeswax if I’m spouting unnecessary or unsolicited assvice.
    I can’t help it…I worry. It’s what I do.

  2. Kayce says:

    No, don’t worry, Lizzy. I’m open to all ideas and suggestions. M and I have thought about a daycare or school, but because he was a preemie, he’s at risk for RSV right now. The doc doesn’t want him around other little kids, so a daycare is out for now.

    Our financial situation isn’t awful, but not great either. We have considered looking for some in-home help, but we wouldn’t even know where to start. Besides, the worst of all of this SHOULD be coming to an end before long. If we can just make it two to three more weeks, we should be fine. If we’re not, then maybe we’ll look at finding some help.

  3. canape says:

    This probably doesn’t help, but even though your mil is missing out, I am enjoying the heck out of the stories. The idea of PJ in his baby proofed room, and the sounds just giving him away – I love that image!

    I’m glad you have had good news. Hang in there!

  4. Lizzy says:

    Try putting a posting up on the tack board of your church or coffee shop or look for a teenage mother’s helper.
    Even if it’s just a few hours a day to help you while you’re feeling like a*s, they can help you with PJ and with things like laundry or vacuuming or something. And even it’s only for a “few more weeks” I think the help would be a great stress relief for you. Which would then, I hope, ease some of the physical symptoms and give you a break from the worry.
    And for the MIL, a simple thanks but no thanks: “I’m not feeling well, but our friend Jane is helping out, so thanks for your offer but we’re doing okay.[Now f*ck right off, please!]”

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