Ugh and More Ugh

I hate doing two negative posts in a row, but I can’t think of anything positive to say from today. My emotions are ridiculously out of control, PJ’s refusing to nap (again), and I feel like a truly awful mother.

The bad mother feelings come from lunch. For once I was feeling pretty decent at lunchtime, so I offered to feed PJ, something M usually does reluctantly during his all-too-short lunch break. Today, though, PJ decided he didn’t want to eat what I put in front of him. He absolutely loved a similar meal we fed him last week, so I figured this would be a home run. Nope, he wouldn’t even stick a bite in his mouth. It frustrated me to no end. I told him he’d either eat what I fixed him or he’d go hungry, and then I waited. I tried sneaking a bite in his mouth from time to time, but he’d spit it out before even closing his mouth over it. He never did really taste it.

During this time, PJ was screaming because he was hungry and wanted something other than what was on his tray. M got annoyed by the screaming, I guess, and basically shoved me out of my chair to take over feeding him. He gave him something different that he knew PJ would love, totally undermining the lesson I was teaching him. All I could do was sit on the couch ignoring my husband and son while I cried. Apparently I’m not a good enough mother, incapable of even feeding my own son to my husband’s standards. He may have done the bulk of the feeding lately, but I still have months and months more experience than he does. You guys know I usually have only the best to say about my husband, but that really bothered me today.

Hang on a sec…time to do drop PJ back in bed for his nap. I think this is the sixth time for this naptime. He was half asleep while playing earlier, so how on earth is he still awake two hours later?

Now I have a few things to say to specific readers, and this just seems like the best way to do it.

Lizzy, I wish I could ask for help from a church, but we don’t have one right now. We moved right after PJ was born, and the issues with his prematurity and the RSV scare have kept us from visiting churches very often. Here we are a year and a half later still without a church home, something I never imagined happening. I’ll agree that our situation would be much easier if we had that kind of help. I wish M felt comfortable using his work connections to find someone we could trust to come help because those are really the only people we know around here.

Canape, I keep wanting to comment on your blog, but I can’t. I completely understand why you don’t allow anonymous comments, but it also blocks comments from “others,” which is how I usually sign in. I don’t want to use my official blogger profile because that will ruin the whole anonymous blog thing. Besides, you’d have no clue who I was. Anyway, know that I do read your blog and you make me want to comment often, even though you haven’t heard a peep from me. I appreciate that you read my blog too. I love the comments you leave here!

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2 Responses to Ugh and More Ugh

  1. Emma in Canada says:

    I know I said it before…but is there not some sort of program for expectant mothers there? One where someone will come out a few times a week? I am going to see if I can find the number of the one here, and see if they know of anything down your way. It might not be your thing, but it was a godsend for me.

  2. canape says:

    *blush* Thanks for letting me know.

    I have thought about turning on anonymous comments now that I know how to follow my traffic better.

    Unfortunately, I have my own personal internet stalker, and I would hate for her to be able to comment without me knowing it was her. So far, she hasn’t found my current blog, but I’m sure it is only a matter of time. Lucky me.

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