Borrowed Time

July 2, 2007

Yesterday and so far today have been much better with the Braxton-Hicks, but they’re still happening more frequently than I’d like.  At one point yesterday evening, after the normal activities in a normal day, the fatigue (I suspect) brought them on again.  They weren’t regular, just frequent and as a result of moving.  A little rest and I was fine again.  I have another appointment on Thursday, so unless something crazy happens between now and then, I won’t call until then.

During the worst of it this weekend, I went through all the possible causes for B-H that I’d ever heard.  I was on antibiotics and knew they have a tendency to dehydrate, so I was guzzling water like a fish until I was peeing a lot even for a preggie and could feel the water sloshing in my belly.  My mom said she’d heard caffeine can cause them, so I cut off my caffeine intake, what little of it there was (headache, here we come!).  The only thing I couldn’t control was BabyN’s crazy thrashings inside me; I didn’t realize they can sometimes cause the B-H as well.  I stopped moving much at all when I realized my movements were causing them as well.  I was truly to the point of not knowing what else to do except let the doctors at the hospital medicate me to control them.  Fortunately that didn’t have to happen–this time.

The experience has made me realize that I feel like I’m living on borrowed time, though.  I’ll feel a foot shoving out of my belly and be surprised to realize I’m still pregnant.  It’s hard to believe I’m still only 28 (29?) weeks pregnant.  I made it farther with PJ even.  But somehow I have gotten myself so mentally and hopefully emotionally prepared for a super premature baby that it’s weird to think he’s not here already.  I also have this weird feeling that maybe he is meant to come soon, if not already.  Stupid, I know, but it’s hard for me to dismiss gut feelings like this.  That’s why anything I feel that’s not completely normal freaks me out at least a little.

The weekend also forced me to consider those what-ifs carefully.  Part of the reason I was resistant to calling the doctor and likely heading to the hospital was that I didn’t know what we would do with PJ.  And what if it hit in the middle of the night?  Who could we call last-minute, in the middle of the night, to take care of him?  And what if we needed to leave him at somebody’s house?  We didn’t have somewhere for him to sleep safely even, since we hadn’t replaced the playard we left at my parents’ the other weekend.  M and I talked about all this yesterday and decided on some people we’d ask to be our emergency PJ-caretakers, and we took the plunge and bought the new playard.  We also looked at the other stuff at BRU that I hadn’t been able to decide on based on what I saw on the Internet (like diaper bags), just in case I do end up on bedrest soon and can’t do this stuff myself.  I’m hoping to go through PJ’s daper bag in the next few days and make sure it’s set up to be used overnight so we can grab it and go if something happens.  I might even leave a written list of basic instructions in case we don’t have the time to linger and give all of them before heading to the hospital.  A part of me hopes that making sure we’re absolutely ready for an emergency will prevent one from happening.  If only life really worked that way.

I can’t believe that at only 28 weeks we are nearly ready not only to have a baby–even early–but also to bring him home.  I probably need to make sure all of PJ’s old preemie and newborn clothes are washed and hung and that we have newborn diapers on hand, but otherwise we’re ready.  It’s a good thing, because I don’t know how much longer this borrowed time will last.  Hopefully at least until Thursday when I see the doctor again for that reassurance I’m desperate for, if nothing else.

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