I just got home from the doctor a few minutes ago. It’s obvious that the focus has changed from worrying about the Braxton-Hicks and trying to keep BabyN in to making sure everything’s fine for him to get out. I had both an ultrasound and a cervical check today. He is head-down (I was only mildly worried that wasn’t the case) and a pretty average size, from what she could tell. I’m still closed too. I was hoping that wasn’t the case, but at least that means she’s not too concerned about imminent labor. Of course, we all know that can change very quickly. I’m hoping that’s what I end up doing.
The biggest difference was that I did not get a progesterone shot. I am now relying fully on my own body to do what it needs to do whenever. It’s been twelve weeks since that has been the case, so it feels a little weird. I’m hoping my body reacts by going into labor in the next few days.
My newest worry is about motherhood, especially of two little boys. BabyN is going to be normal most likely, at least compared to PJ, and I don’t know whether I’m going to end up giving more attention to PJ because of the memory of his birth and early days or more to BabyN because he will be the dream baby. If either one happens, I’m guessing it will be the first. But in reality, I know that once we’ve spent some time around both boys together, it will come naturally to parent them fairly, giving each the amount of attention that he needs. I know that the worries I have now are typical second-baby fears and will only go away with experience. Unfortunately, just like all these crazy hormones right now, acknowledging something I know rationally to be true doesn’t control my emotions about it.
Totally off topic, my dad is coming to visit on Sept. 20, staying the night on his way home from a business trip. It is entirely likely that he will be the first grandparent to see BabyN. If you knew my dad, you would understand why that is kind of amusing. Both grandmas dote on their grandkids (as you might expect), sometiimes to the point of being excessive, and even M’s dad is pretty good around babies, due to his well-hidden soft side. My dad is way too left-brained to be a natural around babies, and he holds them awkwardly, like he isn’t exactly sure what to do with this fragile, spit-uppy thing in his arms. This is going to be hilarious for him to get to be the first to hold his second grandson. My MIL will be sooooo jealous! I’m taking lots of pictures of that event for sure!