Now Progesterone-Free

Today is my first full day without having that extra progesterone in my system.  I can’t tell any difference yet.  Of course, the only way I’d expect to feel a difference would be going into labor.  Obviously that hasn’t happened yet.  M and I were discussing this last night, and we decided the next few days (or weeks) will be a good test of how much my body really depended on those shots.  If I go into labor this weekend, then most likely the progesterone was mostly what kept me from having BabyN weeks ago.  If BabyN sticks around for a week or more, then my body probably was capable of carrying him to term without the extra help.  I know it’s not really as cut-and-dry as that, but it’s turned into a little bet we have going.  I’m the one who thinks the progesterone did more than we thought it did–although that might just be wishful thinking and that BabyN comes sooner rather than later.

I’m getting “mommy brain” bad already.  I remember how bad it was after PJ was born.  I was flakier than I’ve ever been, and it drove me crazy that I had no logic in my brain and couldn’t recall many simple vocabulary words.  For someone who’s always been kind of proud of her intellect, this sudden ditziness was horrible.  And it’s starting already with this pregnancy.  I keep finding myself searching for that perfect word, which truly is usually something remarkably simple.  I also feel like my blog posts get kind of cryptic sometimes because I can’t express myself in words the same way I can in my own brain.  Poor M; not only does he have to deal with my fragile emotional state, but he also has to interpret what on earth I could possibly mean when I have these brain farts.

My mom and I talked for a long time yesterday afternoon, a lot about possible plans for when BabyN comes.  Because of her work schedule and her other absences from school to see the other babies in the family, it’s going to be tricky for her to plan a trip down here.  If, however, BabyN decides to make his appearance at the perfect time, she’d like to be in the delivery room for the event.  I’d already asked her to ages ago, and as time has gone on, she’s more and more excited about the possibility.  Unfortunately, my father doesn’t quite understand this desire.  My mom is worried that when I call to say we’re on our way to the hospital, my dad won’t rush to leave the house to try to make the four (or so)-hour drive to make it in time for the birth.  He doesn’t understand the same rushed feeling that she will have.  So she wants me to call my dad and try to explain this to him.  First of all, the odds of BabyN coming on that one perfect day when they could come right away are slim to none.  I don’t really want to have to make that awkward of a call to plan something that most likely won’t happen.  But if I did, how do I explain that to my dad?  As I mentioned yesterday, he’s so left-brained that I question sometimes whether he even has emotions buried underneath all that logic.  This is entirely an emotional subject, and one that requires him to think about all those personal things about his daughter that he tries to avoid (just ask about the time he had to pick up breast pads for me at the store).  I’m still trying to make the decision about whether or not to intercede in this matter for my mom.  The only problem is that I know if I decide not to bother, BabyN will most certainly decide to come at that perfect time for my mom to make it here for the birth.

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