I’m not getting post-partum depression this time. That’s pretty obvious. But that doesn’t exempt me from sporadic spells of the baby blues or some of the other normal new mom feelings. For example, last night I had a diaper change accompanied by a stream of urine that covered everything in a two-foot radius and that just wouldn’t end. At the same time, I had a stubborn toddler defying every word I said. I realized as I was starting yet another load of urine-soaked laundry that I was seething inside and about to lose it all over my toddler or baby or sleeping husband. (A short twenty-minute break changed my attitude altogether, but that’s beside the point.)
Little things have the tendency to completely overwhelm me. If I don’t get done everything I want done in a day, I start to freak out around bedtime that not everything got done. Or if I have a list of small chores looming in front of me right before bed and I’m anxious to get to sleep, I get surly and panicky.
Or if I write something very thoughtful on the blog and nobody comments–and my blog stats are even lower than they were the day before, which was lower than the day before, and on and on–I get kind of down. It feels silly to me for that to happen, but I am feeling the new mom feeling of isolation. How that can happen when I’m no less social now than before, I don’t know, but it’s happened. And having more of you disappear from my blog is making matters much worse.
I hate to mention this because it sounds like I’m begging for comments, but in reality I’m begging for friends. I need that socialization more than ever right now. I recognize that many of you have busy lives with all sorts of drama and can’t exactly read and comment on every blog every day (if I can’t do it, I can’t expect the same from you), but if you do have the time, please let me know you’re still out there. And if you find yourself with plenty of extra time, it would be cool to turn you into an e-mail friend, if you’re not turned off by my excessive neediness. I promise I’m not always like this. I’m just doing everything I can to avoid PPD again, and if that means I have to humble myself enough to beg for friends to keep me sane, then I will.
By the way, we don’t know much more about M’s dad now than we did yesterday. He stabilized during the day yesterday, but they’re keeping a close eye on his stats. He’s in a small-town hospital right now without even a surgeon available, so if any stats drop at all, they’re moving him to the nearby bigger-city hospital right away. It is definitely stressing M out, even though he’s trying to pretend it isn’t. We could still use prayers, if you’re the praying type.