It’s taken months to admit it to myself, but I do have a favorite child right now. There’s just something so loveable about a baby–and so frustrating about a toddler. Every so often when BabyN is having a real crying spell and PJ is being particularly good and cuddly, I consider the two of them equal again. But most of the time PJ drives me crazy and I can’t help but love my second son more.
I feel like a horrible mother for admitting this. I can remember asking my mother when we were young which one of us children was her favorite. At the time we didn’t believe her when she said she didn’t have a favorite, but as I got older I did. Now I have to wonder. There were probably many times she liked one of us over the rest, although I’m certain that changed often. But never once would she let on if she had a favorite for even a fleeting moment.
I don’t know if I can conceal my feelings that well. I’m just hoping that PJ outgrows the worst of the terrible twos soon so that he’s a whole lot easier to love. And BabyN will probably be growing into them about the same time, so I’m sure my feelings will switch then. Or maybe I’ll grow up some and love my kids more equally despite their behavior at the moment.