Some of you may have noticed I’ve been making an effort to write more positive–or at least neutral posts–since that anonymous commenter from a week or so ago. Several days that has kept me from writing altogether. When I’m already not in a great mood and only able to think of less than happy things to say, I can’t handle criticism like that.
I’m sick of it. I hate editing myself. I keep telling myself that it doesn’t matter, it’s my blog, and I can say whatever I want. But while I’m fully aware I can write what I want, that doesn’t mean I can handle the responses to what I say. Besides, sometimes I’m not aware of what kind of mood my words are conveying; I’ll think I’m saying some complaint jokingly, but it doesn’t come out that way at all. Something that was meant light-hearted ends up drawing criticism.
My gut reaction is usually to just shut down the blog, but I rely on it–and you guys–too much. I don’t get a lot of peer communication during my day, so I’m grateful that this outlet is there for me. And I know a lot of you guys feel the same. For that reason, I’m appealing to you to put up with my whiny days, of which there will likely be many, and take the advice we tell our own kids (or will in the next couple of years): If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
All of that leading up to the same complaint from a week or so ago–I still hurt everywhere. The joint pain continues to get worse every day, and M and I are at a loss as to what could be causing it or how to ease the pain. I’ve been reluctant to say anything about it to anyone for fear of being annoying with my complaining, so not even my mom knows about the problem yet. And that’s a problem in itself because my dad is staying with us for the week. I’m trying to act like everything’s fine when he’s around so that he won’t suspect something is wrong. Silly, isn’t it?
I know it’s probably time to go to the doctor. I could make a billion excuses as to why I don’t want to go–all of them real and reasonable–but none of them are going to fix the problem. Not that that means I’m calling the doctor yet. It really is a pain to go. I’ll probably put up with this for another few days before giving up and going through all the trouble of setting up and attending an appointment (with two kids in tow).
On the bright side, I have a really happy, sweet post coming up in the next couple of days. So anonymous commenter, stay tuned for that one. It should prove to you that I’m not all doom and gloom.