The Saga of the Underwear

I’ve had sudden inspiration for blog posts about three times already this morning, yet I’m passing on all these serious and introspective topics today.  I’ll probably forget them by tomorrow, too, so most likely you’ll end up with another boring rundown of my day.  I just can’t pass up telling a funny story today.

Remember how I mentioned a few days ago that I’d ordered underwear online and it was to be delivered while my in-laws were here?  When it hadn’t come by yesterday morning, I checked their tracking system to see when it was expected.  It said it had been delivered on Tuesday.  So who was wearing my underwear?

Then I remembered that Tuesday we had gotten several pieces of mail belonging to our neighbor.  We have community mailboxes, so it’s easy to misplace someone’s mail in the box above or below.  Suddenly I could picture what had happened to the underwear.  The key that unlocks the package compartments in the mailboxes must have gotten put in the neighbor’s box.  They hadn’t checked their mail yet, so my underwear was still out there, locked in one of those boxes.  I could see the mailbox from our front window, and I could see one of the boxes missing its key–meaning it was in someone’s box.

Aggravated at our mailman’s incompetence, I called M to complain.  He decided it was best if he checked our mailbox one more time just to make sure the key hadn’t been overlooked before we started complaining elsewhere.  Sure enough, it was hiding way back in the corner of our box.  He walked in with the box with my underwear.  I sure felt stupid for making such a huge deal out of the whole thing.

Along with the underwear, I had ordered a pair of pj’s and a cute shirt.  Of course I had to try them on right away.  While the pj’s are a bit skimpy, they are super cute and will get plenty of wear, especially when I don’t have to wear the ever-attractive nursing bra underneath it (yes, I still leak regularly and can’t go without the bra EVER).  The cute shirt, however…well, let’s just say it looked much better on the model.

You see, I had forgotten where I was ordering the shirt from.  This particular store is better known for “sexy” than “cover up and hide a mother’s self-conscious body.”  A shirt that I thought would hide my flabby belly and emphasize my best features ends up making me look slutty and awkward.  The neckline is MUCH lower than it looked online, and it’s just odd enough that I can’t find a cami or anything like that to look decent underneath it.

The worst part is that I can’t find a single bra I own that works underneath it.  They all show major straps and even the outside parts of the bra part itself.  I’ve looked at it braless, and while M loved it, I’m not so sure I have the confidence to pull that off.  And I definitely can’t lean over in it.  At all.

M is convinced this shirt is adorable on me and that we’ll find a bra to work with it.  I wanted to say, “A nursing bra?”  Cause those things are just so sexy and skimpy enough to wear under a skimpy shirt.  Right.  This may be a shirt for next spring, when I’m hopefully no longer nursing.  If it’s still in style then, that is.  Until then, I guess it’s something I wear just for M–braless.

And note to self: Never order any normal clothes from Victoria’s Secret again unless the neckline is practically Puritan.

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One Response to The Saga of the Underwear

  1. Jessica says:

    The shirt does look cute! I’m so sorry it doesn’t work, you’re definitely braver than I am ordering online, I never seem to ahve good luck with that.

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