A Change of Heart?

June 4, 2008

At last, the post I’ve been eager to write ever since it happened.

About a week ago now, M and I saw our nephew for the first time.  I mentioned some of what that was like yesterday, but I skipped over the most interesting part of that encounter–M’s face when he held that little, tiny baby.  It was decidedly baby lust, possibly even worse than most women and new and prospective moms I’ve seen.

How funny is that?  The man who has been totally deadset against another baby ever since finding out we were pregnant with BabyN, the man I had to fight to keep from getting my tubes tied, is now getting starry-eyed over babies.  It’s a wittle-bitty baby, and he’s so cute, and look at those tiny fingers, and look, he stopped crying when I picked him up!

We had about a thirty-second conversation about it shortly after the fact, and he admitted that what I thought I saw is exactly what I saw.  His only hesitation about another right now is financial.  Frankly, we’ve had a good few months and a good year.  We could easily afford another at the moment.  Of course, that might not be the case in a few months or years when we decide the time would otherwise be right, so before discussing trying again seriously, we’ve set some stringent financial landmarks for ourselves, landmarks that I’m sure will change as time goes on as well (and our desire for another kid grows or lessens).

I have a feeling that despite the financial discussion, if I was totally ready right now, M would be okay with that, even thrilled.  How funny is it that I’m probably the reason for delaying trying again right now?

Of course, it seems a little silly that we’re still going through with our plans to get rid of all our baby stuff as BabyN outgrows it.  We took a small load of stuff to the local consignment shop on Monday, and since then I’ve found several more things I can probably part with.  Before we took the load, though, I asked him if he was sure he wanted to get rid of all that baby stuff.  You know, just in case…

He immediately answered that we would buy new; this stuff would be pretty outdated anyway.  He’d already thought about it.  He also didn’t laugh about the possibility of another in our future.

I’m not getting my hopes up one way or another right now, though.  I am most certainly not ready for another child yet.  Some days I’m not sure I’m ready for the two I have (especially days when the toddler screams all the way through breakfast because I had the gall to give him exactly what he asked for to eat).  I’m a bit undecided about what I want in the future still, but it’s good to see that M is open to the possibility of a third child in our future.

I suspect we have a lot of discussions about this in our future, as we constantly evaluate our feelings on the subject.  But at least these discussions can be open and less hesitant–and they don’t end with a firm and quick, “NO!”