I feel like I need to write something about what’s going on with me again, even though I don’t feel like it, purely because you have all put up with the boring ramblings about the kids and their sleep patterns a lot lately.
The problem is that I just don’t quite know what I need to write about me. There’s nothing important going on, or anything remotely interesting. I’m tired, like always. I feel a little like I might be getting sick. Shrug. Nothing that really matters.
I’ve been handling this down time pretty well lately. I still get into a funk every now and then, but it doesn’t last more than a few hours at a time. I can feel it coming on and can keep it from overwhelming me. I just ride the waves for a little while and then pull myself out of it. I think I’ll probably be past this phase altogether in another week.
It helps that I’m reminded of how lucky I am regularly. The boys have been crazy lately, making me laugh all the time (between screaming fits that is–their screaming fits, not mine). Even BabyN has been getting into this whole silly thing and deliberately tries to make me laugh. There are so many women out there desperate for one baby, and here I have two of the cutest kids ever. I’m also blessed with an awesome husband. It’s crazy to think I was at the point of settling for just about anybody willing to marry me four years ago, and now I’m married to the absolutely perfect man for me.
And ever since I was little, I never could figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always reluctantly returned to teacher as my future profession, while secretly I wanted nothing to do with any of them; I knew all I ever wanted to do was be a mom. Now I have that perfect job. I may not be perfect at it (which drives the perfectionist side of me crazy), but my kids seem to be thriving in spite of it.
But if I have everything I’ve ever wanted, then what is there to look forward to, to hope for?
That’s why lately I’ve been trying to determine what my passions are. What is it that I’m totally passionate about? How can I turn that into something to expand my horizons beyond just being a mom? I know what I’ve been told from day one of being a mom, that I have to continue doing things for myself, but I’ve clearly ignored that advice. I think getting myself out of this tiny box I’ve constructed around myself will help keep me from falling into the habit of self-pity again.
Of course, this is where I need some help. I have no idea what my passions are. I love to read and do so daily, but it’s just a passing hobby. I don’t see how it helps me out of this problem, how it could give me something to really look forward to. So far, that’s the closest to a passion I’ve discovered. What are your passions, the aspects of your life (other than your spouse and kids) that you couldn’t live without? How have you turned these into a way to keep from trapping yourself into the role of wife and mother? Is there anything you’ve heard me say in the blog that you think I could turn into a passion?