Not About In-Laws

March 28, 2007

Yesterday was a big day. Not only did my in-laws show up, but they also got to see PJ take his first steps. It was a big deal, and I’m totally excited about it.

I would love to go into all the frustrations I have with my in-laws right now, but maybe I’ll be less petty if I wait until tomorrow, after they have left already. They’re gone right now, with PJ on a day trip. As much as I welcome the quiet, how sad is it that I miss that kid with all my heart right now? I just want to hear some of his baby babble for a minute to make me feel at home in my own home again.

On the bizarre side, I noticed something interesting this morning. I actually miss the morning sickness now that it’s gone. I don’t miss the never-ending nausea, of course, but I miss the special attention and help I got when I was so sick. I can’t believe I was so anxious for it to go away, and now that it is, I miss it. I had a weird dream about this just before waking up today. I don’t remember too many specifics, but I remember being annoyed at some other pregnant women around me who were using morning sickness as a way to get attention and an excuse to get out of doing anything. I wonder now if that’s how I saw myself that whole time. In my dream, I was jealous of them for the attention they were getting. I kept wanting to yell, “Hey look at me! I’m pregnant, too!” It’s interesting what you can learn about yourself from dreams, isn’t it?


Monday Ramblings

March 26, 2007

M is back at work today, and life returns to normal. I’m really proud of myself and how easily I’m adjusting to being a mom again. Despite sleeping like a rock all last week, not even waking up when PJ started making noise in his room, I woke up at the first thump from his room. I pushed through the mild nausea I always have when I first wake up and got him up. He actually seemed happy to see me, even though he was calling for his daddy at first (I guess since his daddy had gotten him up for the last week). It’s amazing how well we’re both coping with yet another change, even if it is a change back to the familiar.

The nausea is better than it has been in months, too. I had one bad spell for about ten minutes right before lunch, and other than that, it’s been nearly nonexistent all day. I might just make it through. Before long, I might even be able to start weaning myself off the medicine.

M’s parents are still supposed to be coming to visit sometime this week, but it’s already this week and we haven’t heard yet when they’re planning to show up. They better not surprise me today or anything. This is actually the perfect time for them to come. I feel mostly fine, so they won’t be able to use my morning sickness as a ploy to get PJ to go home with them. But I’m still weak enough that I welcome any help I can get. I can do everything I need to do to take care of the two of us, but I don’t turn down offers of help. The timing couldn’t be better. I’m just not looking forward to the constant mothering criticism I know I’m in store for. My fuse is just a bit shorter than usual, thanks to these hormones, so I’m worried I’ll snap at some point instead of patiently defending my choices in raising PJ. That won’t be good for our relationship, I know.

Oh, we found out a few days ago that PJ can crawl back into his toddler bed now. He still doesn’t want to sleep there, but at least if he wants to, he doesn’t have to wait for us to put him back in his bed. I consider that progress. If only he didn’t get out of his bed by catapulting himself headfirst onto the floor, then we might be able to get rid of the feather bed we have on the floor to cushion his fall. That would certainly encourage him to sleep in the bed because he much prefers the feather bed when given the choice. We’re working on teaching him to slide off the couch and chairs feet-first, so once he masters that technique to escape his bed too, the feather bed will disappear.

I’m in a bit of a quandary right now. I’ve mentioned before the many friends and relatives who are also pregnant right now. They’re all keeping mum about possible baby names. I support that theory, as I want to keep the final choice of a name as a surprise as well. The problem is that we’re not exactly considering unique names for the baby, and I’m worried that one of the many other preggies will have chosen one of the same names for their baby. I know that shouldn’t be a big deal, especially if it’s a common name, but I don’t want anybody to think I might have stolen the name from them or copied their idea. I’m going to try not to make a big deal of it until I know the baby’s gender. I’m still guessing we’re having a boy, which means only one other baby could be in competition for a name. I’m closer to that baby’s mother too (my good SIL), so I can probably talk names with her and come to an agreement without a problem. But if we’re having a girl, we’ll have a real problem talking with the other four moms about names. I don’t know. Am I making too big of a deal out of this? I try so hard not to step on toes that I’d hate to accidentally choose a name that someone else claims as their own. But can they really get offended if they deliberately kept that name a secret until it was too late?

Night and Day

March 20, 2007

Today feels like night and day compared to this weekend. I am beginning to have this strange feeling called optimism for the first time in a long time. It is increasingly more clear to me that I was not overexaggerating my symptoms from the last antibiotics at all. I had more than severe side effects; it was a bad reaction to them altogether. Only one day into the new antibiotics, and I’m already mostly healed from the bad ones as well as the infection.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t feel perfect today. I still have come-and-go mild nausea and am extremely weak, but I feel like I’m finally on the road to recovery. Considering it’s recovery from the morning sickness as well, that has been going on since I was six weeks pregnant, it’s about time. I just hope I’m not so eager to hope that I’ll end up disappointed if the morning sickness doesn’t go away altogether right away.

I expect by the time these antibiotics have run their course–early this coming weekend–I’ll feel mostly normal most of the time. Naturally, M’s parents are coming to hang out next week. I would have loved the help when I was at my sickest, but it is certainly for the best. If they see me being a good mom to PJ, without the excuse of morning sickness, etc, they will have no argument about taking him home with them. They’ll probably still criticize every parenting move we make, but I’ve come to expect that. At least they’ll see us parenting.

With all the drama from the last few days, it feels like I’ve completely forgotten what it means to be pregnant. I managed to forget that this fat belly is housing a new little being, my own son or daughter. Feeling the baby last night–or even just thinking I might have–was a great reminder why I’m going through all this. There’s a tiny, fragile life inside me that needs protecting, and if that means feeling like death for a few weeks, isn’t it worth it? It’s crazy how one tiny nudge (or gas bubble) can give me a complete reality check.

Where Is Everyone?

March 19, 2007

I hate to start off sounding whiny, needy, and pathetic, but I am certainly all three tonight. I know it’s the weekend and nobody is around in Blogworld on the weekends, but I really needed the support this weekend.

Now I’m not only worried about the UTI causing problems with the pregnancy, but the medicine is making me super sick. I’ve never been as nauseous as I was this morning. I am sore everywhere from all the retching. And I’m terrified tomorrow morning will be a repeat. I was truly physically incapable of caring for PJ much of the day. I’m glad M was around and willing to take up the slack (I think I scared him a little this morning when he saw how sick I was), but he can’t take the week off work to take care of us.

I am faced with the prospect of truly needing help during the day. I’ve limped along so far, even though this was a worry all along. Despite thinking about what to do if this situation ever happened, I still have no solutions. I’ve never felt more isolated and helpless. I have nowhere to turn. For once, asking my in-laws for help is looking like a great idea, but they wouldn’t be able to help before next weekend at the earliest. By then, I’ll be done with this medicine and the morning sickness will probably be easing up at last. The help will be too little, too late. I just wish I knew what to do.

At Least It’s an Explanation

March 16, 2007

Just when I think my life is settling back into boring, something else decides to crop up. I was especially excited at how completely normal my appointment was on Monday, at how normal this whole pregnancy has been, even considering the overwhelming morning sickness.

Then my phone rang during lunch today quite unexpectedly. It was my doctor’s office. I knew as soon as the nurse (receptionist?) identified herself that it was not good news. Just like last time, I have a urinary tract infection. I only get them when I’m pregnant apparently. I don’t think I mentioned that the UTI (the second one in particular) from last time is what I attribute some of the never-ending nausea to. The antibiotics the first time made me so much sicker that I had to stop working toward the end of the round of antibiotics. By the time I got the second round of antibiotics a month later, I could not even choke down one of those huge pills. When my doctor heard about my problems taking the pills, she agreed to let me try flushing it out with cranberry juice. Fortunately, it worked, keeping me out of the hospital on IV antibiotics.

Naturally, I’m worried the antibiotics will make me even more nauseous again and possibly trigger another pill aversion this time. I asked the nurse whether I could try the cranberry juice thing again. It doesn’t hurt to ask, right? I wish I’d kept my mouth shut, though. I’m much more worried now that I’ve heard the doctor’s explanation why that won’t work this time. The bacteria causing the UTI is unusual; the doctor doesn’t see this kind of infection often at all. Not only is it resistant to cranberry juice, but it can also easily lead to a more severe infection that would most likely leave me hospitalized. I guess I’ll have to suck it up and try those antibiotics because I’ve been left with no choice.

The good news is that now I’ve been given an explanation about why the nausea has gotten worse instead of better in the last week or so. It’s almost certainly one of the few vague symptoms of the infection. I was also a little confused about why I had a mysterious fever the other afternoon. I think I’ve figured that one out now. It’s not good at all that I have a complication, minor that it is, but at least we know now and can take measures to fix it. Finally, there’s something I can do proactively to combat the nausea.


March 15, 2007

We’ve been fighting with our Internet service provider since last week, and we’re no closer to having our problems fixed than we were then. M is nice enough to be making all the calls, and I can’t imagine how he has had the patience to deal with this. We have an unusual situation; we have a business cable Internet service at our residential home. M’s job depends on him having Internet service any time of day, even if he is at home, so they pay for our Internet and pay to have it upgraded to a business line. Theoretically, that means we have a faster connection, a more reliable connection, and better and more prompt service. Right now, that’s a no to all three.

When M calls to let them know we’re having problems, he gets the runaround. The customer service people have refused to give us the correct number to call since they refuse to help a business line customer either. They have given us the wrong number as well, instead directing us to a pay-per-use service.

Once M got in touch with the right people, they promised they’d send someone out right away. Three days and several calls later, they finally send that person out. M had to miss work to come home and let them in, as I was too sick to get up at the time. He told them what he thought the problem was and advised them to come equipped with an extra modem to trade with the one we already had. The technician instead messed with the stuff M had done, effectively reducing both our Internet signal and cable TV signal. He also didn’t have even a test modem with him. He had to leave last night to find a tester, finally determined M must be right, and left again. He didn’t have a replacement with him, so he assured us someone would be out today to trade out the modems.

I get wakened early this morning (already not a good thing) by my phone. M was calling to let me know the guy would be there in about five minutes. Even the thought of sitting up nearly made me puke, so I told him I really could not let him in right then. M had to come home from work again to deal with a technician. At least this one had a replacement modem. Unfortunately, it turned out that wasn’t the problem. We still barely have Internet right now, and our cable TV is still iffy. Someone different will have to come by later to check something different. This is turning into the never-ending problem!

To make matters worse, when the technician got here this morning, he made enough noise to wake PJ up, messing up his schedule for the whole day. PJ’s been fussy for no apparent reason, and I can’t even get him to sleep a good nap because he’s so over-tired. I’m still sick because I was awakened early and suddenly, and I can’t handle a screaming kid quite as well when I’m curled up on the couch trying not to puke. This has not been a good day, and I can’t wait until M comes home, as long as he will rescue me when he gets here.

I’m Sad

March 14, 2007

My mom left a few minutes ago to go home. I am left alone with my son again, and the idea scares me. I’ve relied on her help so much in the few days that she’s been here that I don’t know how to function without her around any longer. I can manage without the home-cooked meals every night, and even without the sparkling clean house. I cannot, however, play with PJ for endless hours while I feel like this. I hate that PJ has had such constant entertainment for the past four days and then today will have to go back to independent play most of the time. He’s made such progress since his nana got here, trying to say new words, standing on his own at last, and even acting like he might attempt his first few steps. Now I know we’re in for another stagnant period in his development until I’m able to give him the attention he deserves again.

I’m glad I had a few good days while my mom was here, but overall, things don’t seem to be getting better. I’ve been sick twice so far this week (with another one about to happen any minute now). Before the bad spell hit last week, I was averaging less than once a week. I am getting so tired of being nauseous all the time. Nothing has the power to distract me any longer, either. I would prefer to just lie in bed and whine all day until this passes, and my suddenly increased responsibilities are overwhelming me today.